Losing Jazz and all that jazz

I started this blog one morning after a weekend of mourning my lost pregnancy, my lost baby. It came after meeting what felt like my hundredth friend who was suddenly pregnant. I needed a space to share my grief because banging about in my flat was doing me no good. I also noticed a gap, especially in South Africa, of proactive and productive grief and mourning support for mothers who have elected to terminate a pregnancy. Because that is what I did, for a multitude and many reasons, of which will be revealed in further posts.

One can find support for stillbirth and miscarriage, as both are not planned and not wanted by the mothers. There is support and suggestions for what to do after a miscarriage/stillbirth and how to conceive again and enjoy your subsequent pregnancies.

Nothing for moms who choose to terminate. Because it makes us no less a mother if we chose not to have our babies right now. Yet the loss thereof, the process of the arranged miscarriage as a birth process, the grief and oh my goodness the guilt; there is hardly any support. It is a perception that mothers who choose not to go through with a pregnancy should not or do not feel any grief thereafter. I feel that mothers who chose not to go through with a pregnancy care as much or even more, just in a different way. They love the baby, want to see it grown, but know that right now, where they are in their life, they cannot bring a healthy baby into the world. And so choose to release the soul to return at a better time. And I am not referring to just a kind of not ready for the baby. I am talking about not enough money, no stability job wise, unhealthy environment for a baby to live in, insecurity in a relationship, healthy concerns or any other such issue.

Or if you do look for comfort you are often met with “well you will feel like that, it is expected”. I don’t really know what I wanted but not that.

So I am now choosing to no longer ask “why” and “what if” but now “what can I do next”.

I want this to be a platform where I can share my story and where people can share theres. If you are in Johannesburg we can even start a grief support group. A place for us to come together, moms and dads, and share our journey.